Quiz - Part 1
This year for Christmas I received many Christmas cards from my friends and relatives and often there is a family picture along with a brief blurb about what is new in the life of their family. Many of you may have done this yourselves this year. I always like to write a Christmas letter to keep everyone informed with major events in my family. I want to start this homily with a quiz for all of you. Pick one word to describe our family in its most positive light - what would it be? Choose quickly. I will give you 10 seconds to figure out what comes to mind
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Holiness does not mean a photoshopped life
We sometimes confuse the idea of holiness with perfection - as if to be holy means to be perfect. There is an aspect of perfection in that to be holy means to be set aside for God, who is perfect. However, I think the connotations of perfection often interfere with our understanding of holiness. We do not mean perfection as in - I don’t mess up, or I live a photoshopped life (at least in public).
Holiness is about inviting Christ into our lives
When we take the time to reflect on the experience of the Holy Family we see that this is not what holiness means. Holiness means to be set aside for God, to be distinctly Catholic, or to put it another way - to live a life that magnifies God’s presence. Holiness means allowing our families to be a place where God dwells.
Be fertile and multiply - God calls families to be love
If we go back to Genesis Chapter 1 we see that God created us in His image and likeness - and that his blessing for us is to be fertile and to multiply. This means that God created us for family and he created our families to be places where we learn to love - unconditionally, selflessly - to prepare us for life with Him. In that sense, our families are eternal - because the relationships we have will endure into eternal life. We say this in the creed when we say we believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting.
Even in divorce - which is a huge wound for families to endure, when there are children we are constantly being drawn back together - for the significant events of our children.
Who embarrassed whom
Are our families as perfect as we portrayed on the Christmas cards or letters this year?
I want to ask all of those 18 and younger to close their eyes if their parents are here…
[[PAUSE]]
Now, parents, I want to ask you to raise your hands if any of your children embarrassed you during mass with unruly behavior.
[[PAUSE]]
Ok, put your hands down, and close your eyes. (or I now know that my next homily needs to be on forthrightness…)
Now those who had their eyes closed (kids whose parents are here), to open their eyes. I want to ask you how many of you have had their parents embarrass you at some social gathering - being dropped off at school, at a public event etc - to raise your hands.
[[ PAUSE ]]
Ok, thank you, you can put your hands down. Parents, you can now open your eyes.
Families are imperfect (internally and externally)
I don’t know about your family, but my family can be seen as quite a mess (from one angle) and yet at the same time a very beautiful community (from another angle). All families are this way. God works through the imperfections of our families to help us to grow in holiness - to invite Him into the midst of the messy-times and messy places that we can know His mercy,
forgiveness and healing presence in our lives. Be that…
The imperfection a divorce, or unresolved conflict,
A child out of wedlock or an incurable illness,
Trouble with the law or with addiction
A difficult job or a job that requires us to be away from home.
Finding a place to live or needing a new job.
Whatever the imperfections are in your family, Be assured that God who works to bring good out of evil and life out of death is working in you and through you and with you to help your family to grow in holiness.
2nd Part of the Quiz - A Word for our imperfections
Now we have the second part of the quiz - Pick one word to describe the biggest challenge (sin) that your family struggles with - a barrier that prevents your family from being awesome. Choose quickly. I will give you 10 seconds to figure out what comes to mind
[[PAUSE 10 SEC]]
I am not going to ask you to shout this one out - but instead to keep it in your heart and to begin to pray on that word. All families have struggles - God allows this so that we can grow in relationship with him.
Consider St. Joseph and Mary
Whatever the word is that we found for our families we need to know that we are not alone. Joseph and Mary had to deal with both internal and external challenges -
Moving for the safety of the family,
Moving for work and to be closer to their family,
Following God even when it means shame or ridicule (Joseph),
The death of a spouse (St. Joseph dies)
The death of a child, (Mary)
trusting God to provide for your livelihood (in Mary’s case).
Jesus, Mary and Joseph understand the situations of our life, and can empathize with us because in most cases they have experienced similar situations in their own lives. In all of these situations God's presence was magnified.
What do I do about these challenges?
Think about ways to reconcile
What do I need to ask for forgiveness about? From whom?
Ask for forgiveness (Rocking Chair moment)
Be willing to sacrifice for one another - To care for one another. (In Secret)
Who is God asking me to sacrifice for?
Speaking truth to someone - often a touchy subject - we don’t want to cause trouble, however the reality that we find ourselves in is troubling
What does the Father’s love look like?
Family is about helping one another experience the love of God the Father - but we need a grounding in what that love looks like. Here are a couple of ways that Christ taught us about the Father’s love.
- Healing / Teaching / Being the truth
- Forgiving 7 x 70 times
Obedience (Garden of Gethsemane)
The Prodigal Son
How do we bring this into our families?
Imperfections call us to a life of prayer
The Holy Family responded to these challenges with prayer and a radical trust in the love of God the Father. Parents, I want to invite you as couples to keep your imperfections close to your heart and to not cease bringing them to the Lord’s attention in your prayer. It may seem that He is not listening - I have had those seasons in my life where it felt that way but what I came to learn is that He had a different plan then the way my prayers were structured, and so I learned (through my family) to trust in God’s providence and to realize that we are called to live off of the grace that He provides in our lives and to know that His grace is enough for us.
Prayer leads us to Holiness
As we begin to surrender those areas of selfishness in our lives to God we become transformed - and God’s presence becomes magnified. St. Luke reminds us that this is what Mary did - “She held all these things in her heart” - not that she understood it in the moment, but she held these before God and continued to wrestle with them as her family grew.
Praying for one another in our families, reconciling with one another in our families are the ways that God calls us to keep in focus that our families are His gift to us where we can learn to love in the most messiest, difficult ways. When we keep this in focus, the love of God comes to dwell within our families.
Golden Nugget: Holiness in a family doesn’t come from a perfect Christmas card but from choosing love in the hardest moments, especially when caring for those who can no longer care for themselves. Just as Joseph embraced the trials of the flight into Egypt, we are called to
embrace the difficult, grace-filled work of loving our family.
Colossians (2nd Reading) - How does Selfless love act?
I want to close with some poignant words from St. Paul…
Put on, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience,
bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body.
