2nd Sunday of Ordinary Time, Cycle C
IS 62:1-5, PS 96:1-2, 2-3, 7-8, 9-10, 1 COR 12:4-11, GOSPEL: JN 2:1-11
The readings today challenge us with the Truth
We need to look at the truth about where Marriage is in our culture today, where marriage is in our families today and what kind of marriage Christ is calling us to live out. Today’s homily will be hard for many of us to hear because we will have to allow the Word of God to challenge us with His Truth, so that He can help us to transform our lives so that we can truly announce the Gospel of the Lord!
The world is no longer tolerant of Christian Marriage
One of the key problems for Christians today is that the climate for social discourse has been becoming increasingly hostile to the Christian view of marriage. For the past decade the public schools have been teaching a tolerance for same sex relationships by teaching an intolerance of the Christian view of marriage under the guise of teaching tolerance. Our culture does this even though the FBI statistics for 2017 indicate that for every 1 sexual orientation hate crimes there are 4 hate crimes for racial or religious reasons.
Traditional Marriage is no longer the norm
We live in a time where traditional marriage is no-longer the norm for our society. There are more people from single-parent families or non-traditional families then there are children from traditional families where the Mother and Father are married in a lifelong monogamous union.
Catholics look at marriage through societies eyes, not through Christ’s eyes.
The reality is that Christians are much like the rest of society, growing up in broken, wounded relationships and homes. In the United States, Catholics divorce and remarry pretty much at the same rate as non-Catholics - which means that we have adopted the views and attitudes of the world around us rather than enlightening the world with the teachings of Christ. Our culture is shaping Catholics like fish that live in polluted water - we are having a hard time living the Gospel because of the water we breath.
Jesus has come to a wedding where they have run out of wine - they have lost the sense of what marriage is.
It is into this environment that we have the readings today - Jesus begins his public ministry at a wedding in Cana - where he blesses the couple by providing for them the best of wine that is miraculously transformed from water into wine by the blessing of the Lord. For this reason I would like to spend some time today reflecting on Christ’s teachings on Marriage and the attitude of His heart towards those trapped in marriage-related sin - so that we as Christians can renew our efforts to reflect the Love of Christ to the world.
What did Christ teach about marriage, divorce and fidelity?
In the Gospel there are only 2 different times during Christ’s ministry that he taught about marriage. Each of these events is reported in one or two of the four Gospels, here is the essence of His teaching:
Matthew 5:31-32 - Divorce and Remarriage is adulterous
It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce. But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
Given the prevalence of divorce in our society today this teaching can be very difficult for us to hear. Jesus is quite direct - divorce and remarriage is adulterous - unless the original marriage is unlawful. The Churches process for this is the annulment process, which is a process by which the Church discerns if a marriage was a valid marriage or not.
What was God’s plan for marriage?
Later in the Gospel Jesus’ teaching on marriage and divorce was challenged by the Pharisees - the religious authorities of his day. They challenge his teaching, and so he explains it more fully in Mark 10:2-12
Mark 10:2-12
The Pharisees approached and asked, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” They were testing him. He said to them in reply, “What did Moses command you?” They replied, “Moses permitted him to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her.” But Jesus told them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother [and be joined to his wife], and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” In the house the disciples again questioned him about this. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
The one-flesh union challenges divorce - and social science agrees.
In this second reflection Jesus shows that it was God’s plan from the beginning that men and women were created for one another in marriage, and that the act of marriage unites us into a one-flesh union that no human may separate. In our culture today the divorce rate is above 50% for first-time marriages, 67% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages. Additionally, cohabitation actually increases the chance that you will divorce by 40%.
God created Man and Woman for marriage (not any other pairing)
Christ’s teaching on marriage differs significantly from the worlds teaching on marriage. The world teaches that any two people (male, female) can become “married”. That there is no difference between two men, two woman or a man and a woman. This is a like saying that there is no difference between a triangle and a square. It is true that they are both shapes, but they are not the same.
How Neuroscience re-enforces the one-flesh union idea
It is into all of this bitter news that Christ brings us the Good News about married relationships - that men and women are created for a life-long exclusive relationship with one another that is oriented to the couples well-being and for the raising of children. Modern neuroscience confirms Christ’s teaching. In recent years the study of neurochemistry has helped us to understand that there the hormones and pheromones of men and women interact to help them to fall in love and then to grow into a committed, monogamous relationship. Systematic Psychology has also shown that we have primitive psychological systems that interact to help us to bond into deep long-lasting relationships that are ultimately more fulfilling than temporary, transient relationships. When these bonds are broken, then the underlying systems find it more difficult to form a long-lasting attachment the second and third times.
Who benefits from a stable marriage? Kids and Parents
From the social sciences we have studied the effects of divorce and remarriage, as well as the effects that same-sex couples have on their children. In both cases (divorce and same-sex families), the children are more likely to experience difficulty in their adult lives when compared to the children from traditional families.
The Broken World must turn to Christ
All of this points to the fact that we are living in a broken world, a world broken by original sin, where the sin of one leads to the injury of many others who are affected by that sin. If it were not for Christ, this would be news for despair. It is like being at a wedding feast where we have run out of wine, and there is nothing that we can do but turn our hearts to Christ through the Blessed Mother and ask for His help.
What is the attitude of Christ’s heart towards those trapped in marital related sin?
In addition to understanding God’s plan for marriage, it is equally important to see how Christ responds to those trapped in marital sin. If we are to call ourselves Catholic Christians then we need to learn to imitate Him in our own response to those who are suffering.
While there are two cases in the Gospel where Christ teaches about Marriage and Divorce, there are 3 incidents in the Gospels where Christ encounters a person trapped in marital sin. These are the Prostitute who anoints his feet (Luke 7), the Woman at the Well (John 4) and the Woman caught in the act of Adultery (John 8).
How does Christ respond to people who are trapped in relationships that are not being true Marriage as God created it?
The Woman washing the feet of Jesus
In the first encounter Christ meets a woman who is trapped in prostitution. I think that this case applies to both those who sell themselves for sex as well as those who struggle with an addiction to pornography. Christ recognizes that people trapped in this lifestyle are deeply rooted in sin, and yet this woman encountered in the person of Christ both a recognition for the harm that she had caused others, the families that her behavior had destroyed, and the trust and fidelity that her actions had betrayed. At the same time she encountered the forgiving love of God, that understands her brokenness and strives to heal it.
When we find ourselves trapped in these sins, we have the opportunity to really see the
Pornography exchanges the gift of the whole self for something that is less.
The sin of pornography, and of prostitution is an abuse of the gift of Love that God has given us. It takes a precious gift that is given to be shared with our spouse and uses it for money. It cheapens the relationship and replaces it with a selfish transaction - I will use my sexuality not for the creation of new life and the formation of this intense relationship of love, but for money, it is a cheap way of using love.
The woman that Luke speaks about in this Gospel recognizes this truth, and for that reason she is filled with remorse for her sins and seeks forgiveness from God - which is how Christ responds to her.
How can we break the addiction to Porn?
If we find ourselves addicted to Porn - Confession, Clear browser caches and cookies, when you are tempted to visit the sites that will feed your addiction, try to pray instead, asking God for help to know the truth of His love. Have courage - God calls us to stay in the fight and not to let the devil have victory over our soul.
Christ and the Cohabitant
In John Chapter 4 Christ encounters the Samaritan woman at the well. During this encounter Jesus says “Go call your husband and come back.” The woman answered and said to him, “I do not have a husband.” Jesus answered her, “You are right in saying, ‘I do not have a husband.’ For you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband. What you have said is true.” This is the case of cohabitation, which continues to rise in our country. Cohabitation is when we choose to live with someone who as if we were married, but not actually marry them. The woman at the well was living with a man who was not her husband, and it had been a pattern in her life for a long time. She had a thirst for the truth about love, and that was why she had this pattern in her life of serial cohabitation. When she encountered Christ, she encountered the depth of what true love is, true love waits for its equal, and does not settle for something that is less. Christ does not condemn her for her action, but rather invites her to know him more fully, so that her life and relationship can be healed and transformed.
If you are trapped in a situation of cohabitation I challenge you to reflect on John 4 and pray in the presence of the Eucharist - God has created you for more!
For those of us who have come here today who find ourselves or a person that we love in a cohabitation situation I would encourage you to set aside time for Adoration in the presence of the Lord. The more we spend time getting to know Him, the more He is able to help us in our difficulties. Invite your partner and go and spend time in Adoration, ask the Lord the question - is this the one who is called to be my spouse. If the answer is yes - then separate and prepare for marriage. If the answer is no then separate so that you are free to love as God has called you.
Adultery - Infidelity
The last encounter with a person who is struggling with a sin against marriage is the Woman caught in the act of adultery. This has to be one of the most embarrassing situations in the Gospels where the woman is dragged by the crowd from the act of adultery to the place where she was to be stoned to death for her action. Christ’s response to her is not to stop her from experiencing the shame and humiliation of what she has done but rather to say to her “Neither do I condemn you. Go, [and] from now on do not sin any more.”
Who suffers from infidelity?
Infidelity strikes at the heart of our marriage relationships. It destroys the relationship that bonds husband to wife at the deepest level and is one of the most destructive sins to the family. It is tearing our nation apart as psychologists estimate that 20-40% of the divorces in the US are due to infidelity. If we find ourselves having committed infidelity then the best path is confession, to seek to reconcile ourselves with God, and to know that this will be a difficult path to recover from. Do not lose hope, while it is a hard path to rebuild trust that we have profoundly betrayed it is a journey worth making - because we - like the woman caught in adultery know that God does not condemn us but rather strives to give us the strength to avoid sin and to repair our relationships.
How do faithful spouses respond to these wounds?
There is another side to these relationships - that is the one whose spouse is trapped in pornography, or whose child is cohabiting, or whose spouse had an affair. These are deep and grievous wounds to our souls - yet it is through these wounds that we learn to love as Christ loves.
In Colorado Law marriage is meaningless
The world teaches that you should leave a marriage after a bit of a try to resolve differences, but ultimately if your marriage is not making you happy then leave, and upgrade your spouse. In Colorado law all it takes to be married is for you to publicly identify one another as spouses and you are legally married, and if you want to get a divorce, go and tell the judge and he will divorce you. Marriage according to the law is meaningless - it has no value.
How does the Church look at marriage?
The Church teaches that Christian marriage is defined by choosing to love as Christ loves. Embedded in our vows of marriage is the commitment to love “for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad until death do us part”. When we choose to love our spouse in the worse times, in the bad time and in the midst of sickness we are choosing to imitate the forgiving love of Christ on the Cross - we grow in holiness and intimacy with God. This is the wine that Christ pours into the marriage feast at Cana. As Catholics God has called us to be witnesses of actual love in our marriages. Can we accept this invitation from Christ and live out this mission with our spouses?
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