Showing posts with label Selfish Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Selfish Love. Show all posts

11.01.2008

Sister Death

All Souls Day – Cycle A

Wis 3:1-9 Psalm Ps 23:1-3a, 3b-4, 5, 6 Rom 5:5-11 Jn 6:37-40

Grandpa Frank Died
My grandfather died while I was in college studying to be an engineer. He died during finals when the weather was cold and windy, and I was taking evening classes. It was an early afternoon when I got the call from my mom who told me that Grandpa Frank had died. He had been sitting at the kitchen table talking with Grandma, and when he stood up to go and get the laundry for her, he fell over dead.

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For the rest of that day I was in a fog. I still had finals to take and the rest of the week I just went through the motions, finishing up tests, turning in projects, and then we drove out to Nebraska for his funeral.

Seeing Death Face to Face
At the vigil we prayed the rosary for Grandpa, and it was there that I came face to face with his body, lying cold in his coffin, holding on to his rosary. It was really the first time I had come face to face with the death of someone I knew and loved very much.

When we buried Grandpa, all of us gathered around his grave, and had a really good cry. We were saying goodbye, and grieving together as a family. Our tears were of sadness mixed with joy. It hurt to miss Grandpa, but at the same time, I was so happy to have known a man who was so full of life and full of love.

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Comfort the sorrowing – Death is not the end
One of the greatest joys of my diaconal ministry is to pray with the families of those who have died. In those special moments, I have an opportunity to reach out to the families who have lost loved ones. They are sad, they are grieving, they have a sense of shell shock. At the same time it is an opportunity to share the hope that is at the heart of the Gospel – death is not the end.

We are created for Relationship with God
We are created for relationship with God and with one another. Death is not an end to our relationships, but a transformation in their nature. Grandpa Frank is with God now, and our relationship has not ended, because Christ will not end. God created us for a relationship of Love – selfless love. Love where we pour out our lives for one another.

How my fathers witnessed their sacrificial love
Years after Grandpa Frank died my Dad was sharing with me an example of his love. When my Dad wanted to go to a particular college, Grandpa went to work at a second job so that he could. It was Grandpa’s way of saying to my Dad – I love you. Likewise, when I needed to finish a basement in my house, my Dad gave up his weekends to come over and help me remodel, framing, wiring, sheetrocking, painting, and finishing. It was his witness of selfless love to me.

Grain of Sand vs Pike Peak
When Jesus came to live among us He told us that the way we live our lives here on earth determines how we will spend eternity when we die. Now, we might think that 80 or 90 or 100 years is a long time, but that is NOTHING compared to eternity. It is like comparing an itty-bitty grain of sand to Pike’s Peak.

Selfless Love
Christ calls us to love one another as He has loved us. To pour out our lives for one another. This is the witness of selfless love. When a father gives of himself to his children. When a husband serves his wife, when we take care of one another here in the Church, or on the highway, or at work or school then we are preparing our souls to spend eternity with God in heaven.

Selfish Love – You Deserve It!
Original Sin and our culture corrupts this natural tendency for selfless love and twists it into selfish love. The majority of advertisements that we see encourage us to love ourselves. Slogans like “You deserve it!” “Pamper yourself!” “You earned it!” take our naturally created need to give ourselves in selfless love and twist it inwards on itself so that we love ourselves. To God, Selfish love sounds like our sound system when we misconnect it so that it feeds back on itself. It sounds horrendous.

Sister Death
In his Canticle of the Sun, St. Francis praises Sister Death when he says “Be praised, my Lord, for Sister Death, from whose embrace man can escape. Woe to those who die in mortal sin! Happy those she finds doing your most holy will. The second death can do no harm to them.
The reason for his warning of woe is tied to the Scriptures, to the judgment of our souls. The Catechism teaches that when we die, we face two judgments, the Particular Judgment and the Final Judgment. This is another way of reminding ourselves that what we do, how we relate to one another does matter. That is why when our relationships with God and one another are in good order, we are happy to meet Sister Death.

Particular Judgment – Lazarus and the Rich Man
When we die our soul faces the particular judgment. We know this from Luke’s Gospel where Jesus tells the parable of Lazarus and the rich man. Lazarus and the Rich Man both receive an immediate reward for how they lived their lives. Lazarus ends up with the Saints, and the Rich Man in an abyss. Both reaped the fruits of their labors, but the Rich Man was not really prepared to meet Sister Death.

Final Judgment – The Sheepish Question
Jesus goes on in scripture to speak about the final judgment that happens at the end of time. When this topic came up while I was in the Seminary one nameless Deacon Candidate sheepishly raised his hand and said – “Excuse me professor, does that mean that God can give us a reward, and then at the end of time change his mind?” The professor answered the question this way. At the particular judgment we experience immediately what we have done, but at the final judgment we see the effects of our actions, both the good and the bad rippling through the lives of all that we have met, like a stone entering a still lake. What a profound witness to the power of sacrificial love that moment will be.

Meditation on Death – Reflect on your life with urgency!
In some monastic orders, when one of the nuns or monks dies, all of the brothers or sisters gather around the body to hold a wake. The body of their dead brother or sister helps them to think about the grain of sand and Pikes Peak. As a Deacon, when I have the opportunity to pray with a family who has lost a loved one, I always come away thinking about this image as it relates to my own life; and my own death. God allows this to happen because he is asking us the question – “how am I maturing in my ability to love selflessly”?

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I am the Vine, you are the Branches
The source of selfless love is found here in the Mass, where we become rooted in Christ – who said in John’s Gospel – “I am the vine, you are the branches. Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me will be thrown out like a branch and wither; people will gather them and throw them into a fire and they will be burned… As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love.” In this Mass we are invited to the Table of the Lord, to unite our sacrifices to His as he pours out His life for us and feeds us with his Body and Blood. Here we have the foundation of selfless-ness, the foundation of self-giving. It is here in this great mystery that we find the antidote to selfishness, the source of holiness, and the strength to grow in relationship with one another.

Divine grace washing into your soul
Some of the most precious time that I get is when I sneak in here late at night, or early in the morning to just sit and soak in the presence of the Lord. Sometimes I can feel the Lord is gently filling up my soul with His love, like a tub that is filled to the brim and gently overflowing. I become profoundly aware of the peace, joy and love that Christ is showing me here in this sacrament of the Altar.

Watch and Pray
I want to invite you to join me in taking just one hour out of your week, or month and coming to the Church to spend time in silent prayer before the Lord. At our parish we are blessed with opportunities for prayer before the Blessed Sacrament.
· Every Tuesday night from 6PM until 7:30 PM (Shirley)
· Every Thursday day from 8:30 AM until 9:00 PM, (Fr Dan)
· Every first weekend of the Month we have Adoration from Friday evening until Sunday morning. (Jorge Reyes / Luis Ponce)

Come and spend an hour with the Lord and I promise you that his blessings will fill up your life. I have seen the fruits of adoration in families have given some time to God in prayer. He blesses those families with an abundance of His grace. Not all at once, but slowly and gradually they are transformed into blazing beacons of Gods love.

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What a beautiful wedding – Well done Good and Faithful..
After we buried Grandpa Frank, we returned to the Church where we had a meal that the parishioners had kindly prepared for us. I turned to my Grandma and meant to say to her, “Grandma, that was the most beautiful funeral I have ever attended”. But instead I said “Grandma, that was the most beautiful marriage I have ever attended”. She responded with a smile – “Your right Paul, because Grandpa is with God now at the heavenly marriage feast.”

And so, my sisters and brothers I long for the day when we can join my Grandpa at that great wedding feast in the Kingdom of Heaven.

12.29.2007

True Love

Feast of the Holy Family, Cycle A

Sir 3:2-6, 12-14 Ps 128:1-2, 3, 4-5 Col 3:12-21 or 3:12-17 Mt 2:13-15, 19-23

As You Wish

The story “The Princess Bride” is about a farm boy – Wesley and Buttercup (the most beautiful woman in the world). Wesley loves Buttercup deeply, and whenever she asks him to perform some chore, he always replied to her – “As you Wish”. After some time Buttercup realized that whenever Wesley said “As you Wish” – He was really saying – “I Love You”. When she realized this, she realized that she loved Wesley too. Unfortunately, Wesley could not afford to marry her, so he set out for the New World to seek his fortune, promising to return no matter what.

Unfortunately his ship is captured by the Dread Pirate Roberts (who never takes prisoners) and after news of his death reached her, the evil Prince Humperdink (who only wants to marry her so that he can use her to further his evil plans wooed Buttercup to marriage.

When the evil prince has Buttercup is kidnapped and taken away as hostage Wesley returns to free the Princess from both the kidnappers and the evil prince.

Love is Fertile when commitment exists

It seems that all of the forces of the world are conspiring to prevent Wesley and Buttercup from becoming married. Marriage is the foundation on which families are built. Like Wesley and Buttercup we too battle against sin and the world to preserve the beauty of our relationship with one another.


Marriage requires a lifelong commitment to love one another no matter what. This commitment is the fertile soil in which our love for one another grows. This commitment means that I understand that while I may not like my spouse every day of our life together, I will always choose to love her. Saying “I Do” at the altar is really saying “I will” every day of my life.

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Two perspectives on Love – Selfish and Selfless

There are two different perspectives on relationship – The Selfish perspective which asks the question “What can I get out of you?” and the Selfless perspective which asks the questions “What is the best thing that I can give to you?”

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If we approach the commitment to marriage from the selfish perspective, then commitment is the worse thing we can have because it ties us down to a relationship that might be the best thing for me now, but won’t be tomorrow, or next year. This approach is ultimately life-taking because our relationship ends up dead, drained of all life.

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If we approach marriage from the selfless perspective, then our marriage commitment becomes a great blessing, and a defense of my spouse and my self. With commitment I become free to relate with my spouse as who I truly am. I am not worried at the back of my mind that if I say this or do that, then I will end our relationship. At the same time, with commitment I am able to say things to my spouse that they need to hear, but that they struggle to hear.


What obstacles to True Love have I put into my Marriage?

On this Feast of the Holy Family the Church invites us to examine our commitment to our own marriage – to ask the question “What obstacles to “True Love” have I put before my marriage?” Do not answer these questions for your spouse, but rather answer them for yourself.

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What does “True Love” look like – Sacrificial Love

Marriage requires sacrifice. Sacrifice means a surrendering of the will for the good of the relationship. The sacrifice of the cross began with the surrender of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemene. This means that we are called to be living out our married lives in a way that we sacrifice for our spouses as an expression of “True Love”.

The Mutual Sacrifice of Wesley and Buttercup

In the Princess Bride, Wesley risked his life for Buttercup, he rescues her from her kidnappers. At the same time Buttercup sacrificed for Wesley, when she agreed to go through with the marriage to the evil prince in order to save his life.

Sacrifice your Obstacles

As Christians in marriage, we are called to sacrifice for our spouses. When we choose to sacrifice, we are setting aside our own desires when they conflict with the needs of our spouse. This is one of the ways that we as spouses mirror the love of Christ – We sacrifice for the other. Think back to the obstacles that you have placed in your marriage. [PAUSE] These are the things that we are called on to sacrifice – things that are draining your marriage of life.


Ask God for help – He is backing you up!

When we have the grace of Marriage, we take God as our witness, as the guarantor of our promise to love one another fully, completely, in sickness and in health until death do us part. We need to be reminded of His presence in our relationship in difficult times and to ask for the grace to work through our troubles so that our relationship becomes fruitful, and to give thanks to him for the good times that we are able to share with one another.

When you are struggling – it is time to sacrifice in secret.

Another tool that God has given us to breath life into our marriage is that of sacrificial love. Especially when we are in difficult times God invites us to sacrifice for our spouses, quietly and in private – asking God to strengthen them and help us through whatever difficulty we are experiencing.

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Sacrificial Love brings New Life

The beauty about sacrificial love is that it brings about new life. In the example of Christ, his sacrifice on the Cross allowed Him destroy death and bring us into the heavenly kingdom.

True Love mirrors the love of God

True Love” is not selfish – It demands to be shared. In this way the Love between the Husband and Wife mirrors the Love of God, whose love goes beyond Himself, and leads to the creation of new life, and welcomes that new life into the relationship. This is why in Christian Marriage, we have a responsibility to be open to life, so that we can share the our love with our children.

How our Culture views Children – The eyes of Selfish Love

Children are another area where our cultures selfish view of love conflicts with the Christian’s selfless love view of Children.

When we view Children through the eyes of selfish love we see them as a burden, something that is necessary to bring us into adult-hood. You can read articles in USA Today, or on the internet that describe the price tag that comes with each child that you have. In one recent article, this was estimated to be between $134,000 to $270,000.

This point was brought home clearly to me a few weeks ago when I got into the elevator with another guy, and the subject got onto kids. He said that he was lucky in that he only had to deal with one kid. When I told him that I had five he said he was sorry for me – what a pain. I was shocked.

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Children are a blessing from God – they cause us to grow in holiness!

When we view children through the eyes of selfless love then we see them as a “Blessing, the fruit of the womb”. That God has created with us children to enter into our relationship of marriage, to share in the Joy of our married Love. This is what marriage and family is for – to experience the joy of a loving relationship and to have companionship to help us through the hard times of life.

St. Paul’s advice to families

In today’s readings St. Paul gives teaches us how to fill our families with selfless love. He teaches us to treat each other with heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, To bear with each other and forgive one another as Christ forgives us. A family founded on selfless love will live its life framed by love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control our hearts.

Can be useful as an examination of Conscience

This advice on family relationship is an excellent source of reflection when we go to confession. Think about your family relationships in the light of this reading and ask conscience how you are living out the love that God called you to live in your family.

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True Love always wins out!

Even though Buttercup agrees to marry the evil prince Humperdink to save Wesley’s life, the evil prince tries to kill Wesley anyway. However, “True Love” wins out when Wesley escapes death and returns to rescue Buttercup and they ride off to live happily ever after.

Like Wesley and Buttercup we need to confront the obstacles to True Love in our relationships by adopting the attitude of selfless love – sacrificial love. [PAUSE] The truth about relationships is that even if only one person in a relationship changes, then the whole relationship is transformed. [PAUSE]

The witness of Christ is that “True Love” always wins out – which is why we as Christians sacramentally invite God into our relationships. Through marriage we give him permission to transform our families into Holy Families so that His love can be reflected into the world. This Christmas allow Christ to give you His gift of True Love by sacrificing one of those obstacles to relationship for the sake of your family.